"MESMERIZED"

Like the touch of god
My limbs go weak
A feeling so warm
Eating up my insides

I can't take much more of this
The strain is becoming unbearable
The layers of my personality
Are peeled off one by one

Cannot think, can't concentrate
The sight, the scent consuming me
Focus gone, conceptions warped
Lost touch with reality

I'm bleeding
I'm aching
Fighting pain with pain

It fills me till there's nothing left
I'm so scared of the emptiness
A black hole deep inside my gut
It feels so good until it's gone

I know it'll break me
But I keep coming back
If I can't make it stop
I swear I'll crack

If I ever came close
I definitely blew it
Forever denied
The craving remains

Yes, I crave





"DEAD (BUT STILL TWITCHING)"

Now that you lie dead before me
I smile at you and you're still warm
The recollection of murder
It pleases my mind, how I love to kill

Dead, gutted, choking, a bloody stump
Dead but still twitching - Dead!

I'll pick the flesh off your bones
I'll slice you up, tear your guts out
I'll drink some blood from your skull
And then I'll leave you cut up and dead

Your severed liver
Lies before my feet
What a joke
Your pointless death

A twitching bleeding corpse - Dead
Brains turned into mush - Dead
My fingers they caress - Dead
My lifeless work of art - You're...

Dead, gutted, choking, a bloody stump
Dead, but still twitching - Dead!





"EYES SEE RED"

Loss of control
My body's running hot
Feel the rush
As adrenaline saturates me
Shredding guts and popping heads
When my eyes see nothing but red

Overload
Overdose
Overwhelms
Eyes see red

Head feels like it's about to explode
Pulse is pounding up the throat
Need for an outlet becomes vital
Take it all out on the human race

Scattering my burning despair
Across the world
Retaliation
Shaking thunder
Striking lightning
Bullets fly
Heads explode

Driven by hate
Feel like a god
I paint the world
With its own blood

Death
Blood
Ash
Burn the world
Lose control
Eyes see red

My clip is empty and so is my soul
I have died so many times
Thrust the gun up my own mouth
This time there'll be no rebirth

Suicide





"ROCK 'N' ROLL"

Fashion slaves with shit for brains
We won't rest till they're all slain
Pierce their dicks and dress like chicks
Move to the groove you fucking pricks

Will you get a fucking clue?

Hit 'em till they scream
Cut 'em till they bleed
Rock 'em till their heads roll
Rock 'n' Roll

Behold as we rise from our graves
We were never really dead
Here you thought you got rid of us
Guess who's tap dancing on your heads

Pointless lives, we'll end 'em now
Yeah, we'll mow all of 'em down
We got us some heads to bash
Their dolled up asses we'll all slash

Boom goes your groove
Boom goes my gun
Your last dance a death twitch
Looks still the same to me





"EMOTIONAL FLATLINE"

Take a look into my eyes
What is it you see
Anything at all
Tell me...
Do you see anything at all?

A soul devoid of passion
A lifeless heart of coal
Gaze into the bottomless pit
That I call my soul

And mock me
Go ahead and mock me
Spit on me, put my face in the dirt
Beat me, but I will not scream
Break my bones and hear them crush

Chew me up, spit me out
Leave me face down in the mud

Cut me
I don't even bleed
Torture me, I cannot weep
Rape me like the beast I am
But you cannot kill
What's already dead

So chew me up
So spit me out
I take it all with an empty smile

Mock me, beat me, cut me open
A dead man feels no pain
Love is a disease of the mind
But it cures itself with time.





"TO KILL THE DEMON"

Sometimes at dusk, the demon comes creeping out of her cave to sit on my back.
I don't see anything peculiar about those times that could cause this.
I don't know the demon's name
So I cannot bind her
But I can call her
She surely only comes when I call her
The place in my mind where I used to hide my vulnerable self is coming apart,
for to keep my sanity I removed its roots from reality
And I wiped away
All the faces
Of real people
And now I fear I'm going mad
There is no turning back
The time has come to ask the demon's name
Come to me, filthy snake, show me the face that's kept me chained
For over ten years
That hisses into my ear
Won't allow me to think
Shadowing my mind
Come to me...





"LIGHT THE FUSE"

A candle burning at both ends
My strength is dripping off me like wax
A scorching mortal heat
It's all becoming too much
Cannot take it anymore
I have nothing left to give
An empty shell about to crush
One way or another
It'll soon be all over
When I go out
In a blaze of pain
And now the demon rears her wrinkled head
The ancient curse
The fire burns
One last straw is all it takes
The spark to light the fuse
And as I rip out my heart and nail it to the wall
For the last time
She smiles
And drops
The match
Light the fuse
And watch me burn
Let me crumble
In a ball of fire.





"LAUGHING"

I want it too much
And that is just why
I can never have it

Everything I'll ever want
Everything I'll ever need
Everything I'll never have
For the sun doesn't shine for me
It's just the way my story goes

And once more it all turns to dust
Right in my hands
Crumbles and slips through my fingers
And here I am
Alone again
Slowly going mad
It's always just out of my reach

The one thing that I need
Does not exist for me
I lose because it's what I do
Because it's who I am

And once more
My face turns to stone
And my tears run dry
Something deep within me dies
But it's not that bad
I saw it coming a mile away
And it only hurts when I'm laughing.





"THE QUICKENING"

I never wanted your love
You suffocated me
With your smile and your touch
Then took it all away
Left me for dead
Stiff and cold I found myself
When the sun touched my face
Burned and drained I raised my aching limbs from the ground
From the confusion, all the bullshit
You had dragged me into
...and took a step
Like a newborn child
I looked at the world
Felt the wind in my hair
And I took a deep breath
My senses hadn't been so sharp for too long
My mind is crystal clear
As I walk this earth
No
I do not need you
It's great to be alive.





"PIECES OF ME"

Dismembered and torn
Spread across the floor
Unable to move
Lying in my own drool

My legs are gone, my neck is snapped
Brain is seeping through the cracks
At the back of my skull, my dick's removed
It's been severed at the root

I am all cut up - Barbecue
I am hamburger - Shredded

Eviscerated and mutilated
Rectum brutally violated
Mangled far beyond belief
Kidneys slashed and they still bleed

I'm dead - Chopped up
My blood smeared on the walls
My crotch is maimed
Devoured are my balls

Suspended by my guts
A body left to rot
A twisted hunk of meat
I just hang and bleed

My broken spine hangs out my butt
My eyes been squished and stabbed
I'm not human anymore
I'm just an icky pile of gore

I'm dead - Chopped up
They'll puke when I'm found
Pieces of me
Scattered all around





"THE NEED TO FEED"

One, two, three, four
Gimme more guts 'n' gore
Five, six, seven, eight
Your liver on a silver plate

I don't dig on pork
A pig's a filthy animal
And I don't wanna eat beef
'Cause I'm afraid of mad cow disease

I'm gonna eat some human meat
I feel the need
The need to feed

Sink my teeth into your flesh
I bite some off and you're screaming
I'll eat you and I'll make you watch
As I roast your severed wiener

I love eating people
They taste kinda like chicken
I love eating people
They're so finger lickin' good

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve
What a tasty smell
Thirteen, fourteen
Chow down on a chunk of spleen





"RAPTURE"

The dark side calls me again
A flame of deepest black
Envelops me

The shadows crawl around me
Always out of sight
But I know that they are there

I can hear them whispering my name

And at the time of dusk
I know I must summon her
Like I have so many times before

So I raise the dagger
The moon's cold glare
Reflected in the blade
And I stab my heart

And my blood spurting forth from my chest
She slides down around me
Brushing hot against my body
And whispers in my ear:

"Let it loose, just let it go
Watch it slip away
What's the point in clinging to
Your illlusion of sanity"

And as I howl at the moon
She sucks the life out of me
The shadows take me by the throat
And they drag me down.






"SACRIFICIAL"

In the beginning there was chaos
The harder I struggle for order
The quicker it slips away

Everything dissolves when I seek to touch it
Frantically I stumble through this liquid netherworld
With but one hope to bring some order to it

The ultimate sacrifice
In the chapel beneath the ground
Unto the demons
I must offer my useless mortal flesh

And thus I chant

Come before me, righteous ones
Hiding amongst the shadows
Upon the altar I lay myself
This flesh of mine, this flesh is yours

And just beyond the light they stand
Watching
Empty glare from sewn shut eyes
And I
Tear the flesh off from my bones
My teeth
Digging deep into my skin
Ecstatic

Blood everywhere as my chest bursts open
Gagging I lie as my bowels emerge like worms
A towering monstrosity, what is this, this cannot be
And the demons, the demons refuse to take me

Buried in chunks of myself I beg and scream
As they turn away indifferently
I am undone, a chaotic mockery of a man
Without structure, I have become the netherworld





"DREAMSCAPE"
words by Christian

I knew that the night would come
when the snow would fall again
when my heart would light up
to freeze in the cold of love

Until yesterday my dreams had been coloured white
and my world seemed to be burning in that light
but yesterday my dreams were coloured red
I cried mental tears tearing open my heart

Red were the tears of my wounds
the essence of my existence
falling to the snow-white ground
and then your face appeared
on my dreamscape
your lips and your cheeks
blushed by the blood of my hope

I knew the day would come
when I would stop dreaming

I thought that I could stand
the freezing cold in my mind
but my hope kept growing weaker
as the days kept growing colder

Yesterday my dreams were coloured red
smeared with the blood of hope
but now my dreams have become clear
tears of fears washed away what’s left of me






MADNESS SWEET MADNESS

Forever haunted I roam the earth
Stumbling through this hall of mirrors
I know they laugh at me behind my back

Their wantonness
Their ignorance
It has made me mad

And a voice it whispers in my ear
Or is it in my head

Dig, dig deep down
Unleash the beast within
Open up the gate
Cry havoc and release the urge

Drowning in blood
What little sanity there's left

The distant call of reason fades
Echoing through the whirlwind
Insanity, she beckons me
And I heed the call for I am

Spellbound - mind twisted by perpetual pain
I found - sanctuary within the domain of lunacy

And the voice it screams
And there's nothing to hold me back

Come sweet madness
Come to me
Come my mistress
Set me free
Burn the witches
Burn them all
Smash the mirrors
Stab my eyes

Tumbling down the vortex
I taste my tears and laugh
And as I cross the threshold
A soft blanket covers me

The pain is gone
And somewhere in the back of my mind
A thin voice is laughing






"THAT WHICH DESTROYS"

Everything you've buried deep inside
The twisted little fantasies
Everything you thought was gone
Is laughing right into your face

I am the blind spot of your mind
Your own personal Mr. Hyde
I come to haunt you in your dreams
I make you come apart at the seams

I am that which must not be
I am all that you deny
I am that which destroys

I'm right behind you
Breathing down your neck
Don't look behind you
Don't turn around

I will consume you
I will become you
Let me fill your emptiness
With homicidal rage

And when you finally realize to whom you've sold your soul
When you fall to your knees and scream my name at the moon
You know that it's far too late for you
You've crossed the line, there is no turning back

No...






"BROKEN CYCLE"

Black... I see only black
Death... I feel only death

Two years dead, a walking corpse
Paralized by the infernal touch
The cycle has been broken
But to no avail

Hollow... I am so hollow
Emptiness... surrounds me

What have I gained from my persistence
With unhuman strength I have broken free
And now I stand here
A shadow of what I once was
The very cycle that would have destroyed me
Was the source of energy I now lack

And I behold my reflection
In a sea of unshed tears
Who is this figure
Staring back at me

Cold... I am so cold

I'm trapped, I cannot move
The forbidden desire that drove me
I must never taste again
Forced to wait in the twilight
I cannot release myself






"SICK"
(A Spring Poem)
"Every poet should write a spring poem"
-Louise Glück

Bile
Another dry heave
And now foam
And blood
Pain
Another dry sob
And I shake
And I writhe
The cold starts to withdraw
But I have already died
These frozen limbs are lifeless
I have not made it this time
It's all too far away
I've long run out of breath
The light at the end of the tunnel
Blown out by a freezing wind
Sweat
Another nightmare
And now I feel
I've lost my soul
This feeling at dusk
Hollow at the core
A sun behind my eyes
And then the curtain falls
My mind goes numb and my body cramps
As I feel the cold grasp of madness on me
I reach all the way down
To pick up my pieces
But I cannot remember who I was
Nothing but shreds of my former self.






"DON'T ASK ME HOW I FEEL"

There's a little demon that has a finger hovering above the trigger of the nuke
I've got inside my head. I'm always just an inch away from blowing, from seeing red.
Sometimes I want to gun down a whole row of cheerleaders, just because I can,
just to see which way their eyeballs will fly, yeah. Bullets are a boy's best friend.

But you know I don't think I've always been like this, a part of me seems to
remember another time. But then some blue-eyed fairy came and cut a big
chunk out of my brain and wiped its ass on it and threw it away. But it doesn't
really matter anymore anyway, the memory is fading like an old photograph
and I don't really want to remember anymore anyway because whoever that
guy was that I used to be, I can see things a lot more clearly now.

I see the worms behind your eyes, I see the black hole at the center of
modern society, I see you praying to your electric gods and sometimes
I almost think I understand, and sometimes I know I don't.

Don't ask me how I feel, I don't have time to think about it. Just keep falling
because that's all you're good for and leave me the fuck alone.